welcome to july

Hi diary

I do not know what will be put on this post as there is all sorts of weard feelings in my mind and right now I just wish a free place to put them like here and to put the feelings to rest wood help but that will not happen for a few months yet or should I say if it does happen at all as been like this for months now if not years do I really need this scared feeling of what will happen at phew no some one said to me and I will put her name here nicola it sounds like you do not need phew any longer and it sounds as if you have outgrew our service now she is ment to be supporting me as that is her job night shift or any shift and if people are saying this to you I mean its going to hurt you and that is not the feelings I have right now I hate the way people who work with people who have needs see you some days or times and I am not been funny here I wish they were blind some times to see what it is like now the blog will be for any thing and I mean any thing even blindness and public views of having other needs now I know she has health issues but if she is saying basicly we can not support you and that to me is what she is saying in my own words is it the right job to be in no if you can say that I know she has been there over 20 years I can not mind what she said on the right number 25 I think it was but after 25 years you do not say that to a user who has been going since I was young and now I am 37 and still using the service wood I ever plan not to go only if the right choice came up such as a better service but that will not happen I am lucky to have the service I have as I know scotland has not got the funding at all scotland is shight for funding any services at all and the only way that will change is if some one in higher power does something but maybe not in my life time who knows and who can tell

I know we have users in there who are in there 50s some times as it changes all the visits but the staff do need to watch there words a lot more and I do not just mean on reports I mean talking to us with respect nicola was very very lucky I never told the manager or she wood of got a warning talking about firing I think in there it wood not do any harm to have a few bon fires of staff as they are to close in friendships I mean to near each other as friends and yes I do think half of the problem is that and that is how they think we can chat to each other more than a normal work wood get to do well nothing from my book service yet so I will give it until I come back in august then I will try to contact him again I have just wrote an email to the current service just to see what they have to say hush they have not even had the heart to tell us who is going to be supporting it the team that you wood email for help so that is why I am angry as well as they have told us fuck all sorry but that is a word I will not use very offten here only towards them currently as they are telling us nothing and friends its fiction as I think I had saw that email from alison long in march or feb it was ages ago

In august I will do more I have also asked about book share as that sounds cool with lots and lots of books and I wood not mind trying it if it was free if I am reading right they have partners with them if that is right as I do not trust the internet allways as it can tell farry tails

I wood not mind seeing linda or janice but I am never telling a weardo in august I need to shight no way I do not tell all of them as it’s a touchy subject and a private one especially if they are touching your body there its like giving birth you do not share that at first with any one only your family

Hush it might come to I need michelle down that again is there problem to sort out her licence is in date it must be as she is still working with special needs people and if her licence was out of date she wood not be able to work at a school under case workers office

They are that bastarding nosey at phew they wood ask her how long are you here for and why are you here and what is it you have we do not have well she has got a licence wich is in date forr a start and she has blindness training I know I like roberta but she is the worsed for that nosey item as she wood say to janice who is that girl doing all day for and and roberta wood say to janice remind me to ask that michelle how long she is around for hush they are that bloody nosey its un real and I hope you see now why I am scared to share

Hugs